


Swapped Bodies and Changed Minds

by Okami01



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Bodyswap, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Lust, M/M, Pining, Pre-War, Requited Unrequited Love, Suggestive Themes, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:27:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28143102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okami01/pseuds/Okami01
Summary: "Felix's head spins. But he can see himself, sitting on the other side like a mirror. He reaches out before he can think better of it.Dimitri's hand reaches out. Those stupid gauntlets that he wears. He touches himself.Felix must be disoriented. He must have hit his head in a fight.  Poisoned? Having a nightmare."A Dimilix Exchange 2020 fic where Felix and Dimitri swap bodies. It's somehow both a nightmare and a dream come true.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33
Collections: 2020 Dimilix Exchange





	Swapped Bodies and Changed Minds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Saltorii (SALTORII)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SALTORII/gifts).



> For Salt! The prompt was awesome, all about body swapping and pining which I'm obsessed with. Though I wanted it to be more smutty... Dimitri and Felix are awkward... Felix is in denial and Dimitri is the King of consent apparently. But I hope this fic turned out well (:

" What the hell," Felix curses. Only it isn't Felix cursing, it's Dimitri. His voice. A ringing in his ears and dizziness that makes him lean forward on the dining hall table. 

Felix's head spins. But he can see himself, sitting on the other side like a mirror. He reaches out before he can think better of it.  
Dimitri's hand reaches out. Those stupid gauntlets that he wears. He touches himself.

Felix must be disoriented. He must have hit his head in a fight. Poisoned? Having a nightmare. 

But they aren't fighting anyone for a change. It's the dining hall. He's just eaten some grilled fish. Arguing with Dimitri about something. 

Students milling about around them. Not an enemy in sight. 

His head rings though. His body aches. He's at the other side of the table now, his hand on his cheek. Only it isn't really him. 

" Felix?" he hears himself say. In the same panicked, pitiful way Dimitri says his name. Only slightly less annoying than when Dimitri says his name in that sickly sweet fond tone. 

No. This can't be happening. 

But it is. 

" Boar?" Felix says. Only Dimitri says the words. 

His eyes widen. Looks back at Dimitri to see an expression he doesn't like to see in himself. Sorrow, biting down on his lip. He jerks his head away from himself. The touch is warm, different even though it's from his own body. 

" Hey," Ashe looks up, alarmed. " Are you guys alright?"

Dedue and Sylvain look in concern. That's when Felix knows for sure. 

" Your highness do you-"

" Fine," Felix shouts. It's Dimitri's voice.

He ceases Dimitri's wrist. Hears a yelp Felix would never want to make himself. 

" We need to… do something. Spar."

The lies are tumbling out of Felix's mouth before he can even think. 

Felix frowns at what looks like his willingness to go whenever Dimitri tells him to. He's up and following Felix before he's even finished talking.

" Yes," Dimitri says. " Apologies, we must spar."

If Felix strangles himself in Dimitri's body, will they both die?

He doesn't think long on it. He pulls Dimitri along.

" I thought we were going to the training grounds," Dimitri says. 

"No, I was lying you fool."

He drags Dimitri into his room. Finally allows a glance behind him as the door shuts. He sees himself again, blushing and holding onto his wrist, wide-eyed. 

" Felix. Felix it's really you?"

Felix glares at himself looking especially pitiful. 

He takes a deep breath. " We switched bodies."

" I… how did this happen?"

He doesn't understand himself. 

It's jarring to hear himself so uncertain. To know that somehow Dimitri is inside of him. 

Well not… that probably isn't the best way to phrase it. His cheeks practically burn. 

Felix places a hand on his thigh. On Dimitri's thigh. His stupid big gauntleted hands and his stupid well-muscled thighs. 

Felix is inside of Dimitri. They're swapped bodies. Nothing sexual. 

He needs to get a hold of himself. Though thinking about it and looking back at himself, Dimitri's dumb astonishment reflected back at him. Not that Felix knows what to make of the situation either. 

If Felix were more devout, he would think it was the goddess punishing him. She'd have a cruel sense of humor. For the rather lewd dreams, he sometimes has about Dimitri. Which means nothing. For this. Sitting in Dimitri's room. Thinking more lewd things and pretending he isn't. 

You can think someone is attractive and hate them. Think of them a monster and still look at their muscles and pretty blue eyes and low steady voice and the way that their body glistens when they train and hold a lance. 

Gripping it tight. His gloves running up and down the shaft. The way that his gloves would look holding a lance. Holding someone else with the same intensity and firmness.

Wherever that line of thinking came from, Felix shoves it back down. 

Felix doesn't always need to lie to himself… about everything at least.

He doesn't hate Dimitri. Just his actions. The blood and revenge coated boar that he's become underneath the cracks of fake princely fake and politeness. 

If it's a sin to feel sexual attraction towards Dimitri, Felix doesn't know. If lying to yourself and everyone else is a problem, he wouldn't know that either. He's hardly one to read scripture. 

What matters is lifting the curse, reversing the divine punishment. Finding a cure. 

He snaps his attention back to Dimitri.

" Stop looking at me like that?"

"Hm? Ah I'm sorry Felix but I do not know what you-"

"Don't-. Don't start talking like that and making those faces your… we switched bodies and I don't want to hear myself sound like that."

At the same time, it's strange to hear Dimitri sound so angry. And at Felix at that. Well not really, Felix is talking. But sometimes, weird as it is, Felix thinks he'd rather have Dimitri. Get angry instead of acting pitiful and polite.

" What would you have me do then?" Dimitri asks. 

Felix doesn't know. He hates that.

The uncertainty of it all.

" Do you think that we were poisoned?" 

" I don't know. " They obviously failed if they were trying to kill us. Why would they kill me anyway."

" You're a Fraldarius," Dimitri says as if Felix has somehow magically forgotten his ancestry. " And… ahh… I'm sure there are people who would wish for your death. Seeing as you're strong and skilled."

" Tsk, no need to blow smoke up my ass."

Dimitri laughs.  
" Hardly… It's the truth. And you did ask."

Felix glares. " Whatever. "

" It's not like I want to sit around talking about death."

" Right... While there are many reasons for some to wish for your death. I'm glad you're alive."

All Felix can do is scoff.

Poisoning is an obvious assumption. Yet, all Felix can think is that if they had poisoned Dimitri by himself then Felix would hunt down the people responsible and kill them.

He grimaces. 

Felix snorts. " The professors might know a way to fix this."

" They will be concerned. My uncle could come. Rodrigue could as well. The Kingdom is already in a precarious state. I wouldn't want to cause any more trouble. This whole thing could be the work of unknown forces trying to weaken the kingdom."

A precarious state is putting it lightly. I would only get worse if that were to happen. 

" What do you think we should do then?" 

'We.' Felix almost gags on the word. But it's too late. They're in this together. They sort of have to be. 

" We could wait un-"

" We can't just wait around things get better. That's your solution to everything." He snaps.

Felix can see the hurt reflected on his own face. Can hear how Dimitri's voice shakes, how it laces with mocking. 

" The kingdom needs a king but you're waiting until you graduate from Garreg Mach. Time isn't going to fix anything, boar."

If anything, it'll only make things worse. 

" I know," Dimitri replies, irritatingly placating. " But, surely Felix, you must know that there is no reason to cause a panic unnecessarily."

It isn't the worst thing Dimitri's ever said. 

Felix nods. When he puts his hand on his hip it's warm and sturdy.

" Perhaps a week then… if nothing has changed we will tell the professor. At the very least, I suspect she will understand."

Dimitri and his ridiculous unfounded faith in the professor. She's good with a sword. More skilled than Felix is at the moment. That doesn't mean she's the answer to their prayers. Not that Felix prays. 

Felix digs his fingers into his side, into Dimitri's side.  
He doesn't think he can do this. Doesn't think he can do it for one day, let alone a week. 

He nods anyway. 

He can do this.

He watches Dimitri smooth his hand over Felix's hidden sword.  
" I don't know how you don't stab yourself." He says, smiling in a much too fond way for this little space between them.

Felix crosses his arms. " I manage."  
Then with a sigh, he confesses, " there's another one lower you know. A knife bound to my lower thigh in my boot."

Dimitri nods, bending low and touching it in a weird slow, and gentle manner. 

Felix turns towards the door. His cheeks warm for no reason at all and he pushes his way outside. 

____

Felix doesn't know how or why they thought they could fool their friends. Actually, he supposes that it's more like he wanted to, trying to win at something that wasn't even a real competition. 

For better and usually, for worse, Felix knows how Dimitri acts. With his fake princely nonsense and inability to do certain things because of his strength. His politeness and ferocity with a lance. 

Felix knows little about lances, something he'll begrudgingly admit to himself. Luckily, Dimitri is skilled enough with a blade. If there is a sword tournament Felix's reputation will be fine. But it's irritating to think he can't do as well as Dimitri could with a lance. Almost makes him want to practice his lance technique. 

Dimitri assures him it'll be fine. That he doesn't care. But if the boar is good at one thing, it's his lance work. Felix doesn't want to be the reason that he loses. 

'It'll be fine.' He thinks. 

Felix wanted to actually spar. They should. Fighting in Dimitri's body would be strange but it would also be a challenge. 

Turns out performance in battle and classes are the least of their concern. Dimitri's insistent on getting Felix back to the mess hall.

He shakes his head. " You are hungry- Fe ah I'm hungry, Dimit- Boar." He corrects looking actually sad.  
Felix looks away. He hasn't seen himself look sad all that much, he was never too keen on mirrors. But it does something to Felix all the same. Something that he quickly decides is annoyance and not sorrow. 

It's not his fault that Dimitri has chosen now to be concerned. 

He doesn't want to hear those words coming from his own mouth. Because if Dimitri puts them there, if Felix wishes that he could say them, then what's to stop them when they switch back. 

" I do not think that you… or I should train on an empty stomach." 

" You're one to talk, " Felix answers, still not used to hovering over himself, walking in these long ridiculous strides. " You definitely aren't eating enough."

He pats his stomach and regrets it after encountering the hard muscle there. Just a little bit further up and he could pat Dimitri's abs 

Dimitri smiles sheepishly as they finally get back to the mess hall. 

" Hey," Sylvain calls. " Felix, your highness, Did you know Rodrigue's coming to visit tomorrow?"

Felix's jaw tightens he glares. " He isn't supposed to be coming here now."

Felix curses himself. Dimitri loves Rodrigue so of course he'd be excited. 

They both seem to forget. 

" That is wonderful, " Dimitri says.

Felix is going to kill him. 

Before he can, Sylvain waves his hand in the air. Laughing. " Ok I was definitely lying… but then again, so are the two of you. "

Felix is going to kill Sylvain too.

Dimitri sits down. Shakes his head. " Our apologies."

" Don't apologize for me." Felix snaps. 

" Ah well… please do not tell anyone," Dimitri whispers. " We… we switched bodies."

" I can tell, " says Ashe. 

" I think we all can," adds Mercedes. 

" Woah," says Annette. "I've never seen his highness glare like that."

" Annette, " Dimitri says pathetically. " Please do not draw attention to the matter. 

" Wait," says Sylvain. " I'll give you a gold piece if you curse, your highness."

Ingrid jabs him in the ribs thank the gods. 

Felix actually considers this. If he hears Dimitri yelling out fiddlesticks or some other nonsensical non-curse, he's going to lose it.

On the other hand, " We're not going to do anything foolish, are we, Felix," he says glaring in a way that is very much not like Dimitri. 

" Mm, yes, Dimit- Boar."

Sylvain's laughter does not help anything. " You're both terrible at this.  
Felix. Oh, you should talk about how you used to follow us around when we were kids. 

"He will do no such thing," Felix huffs. " 

Dimitri fidgets in a way that would make sense if he were doing this.

" Why don't you just say that you're sick," Ashe suggests.

" No," snaps Felix. 

" We couldn't," says Dimitri says more nicely. 

" Guys, Ingrid says tiredly. " It's not a challenge that you have to prove."

Felix suddenly recognizes the tone in his own voice when he's certain he can beat his opponent. " But I am confident that I know Fe- myself very well."

" Oh do you now." Felix replies, mocking. 

Dimitri nods, smiling before eating a piece of meat.

Felix hates it, how much it's probably true. How much he wants it to be true. Dimitri watching him. Knowing all about him.

" I can pretend to be you forever if need be," Felix replies.

" I hope it doesn't come to that," says Annette. 

But hypothetically, it could work out. Rodrigue could have Dimitri and Felix could make Dimitri's uncle's life a living hell for all the bullshit he put Dimitri through. 

Not that Felix cares. Especially as Sylvain says, " Oh well it's good that neither of you are seeing anyone."

" My only partner is my blade," says Dimitri in a voice irrationality close to how Felix sounds. 

Felix is going to kill him after all. 

___

Surprisingly, after the rough start in the mess hall, things don't go terribly. Dimitri has it easier of course. People don't generally want to talk to Felix, aside from the people he trains with, the teachers and the other Blue Lion Students who already know about what they've decided has to be a curse. Felix likes it that way.

Being Dimitri is different. 

It's irritating being Dimitri. Felix can handle it of course but it's irritating. He keeps breaking things. Apparently, Dimitri volunteered before to do a bunch of stupid tasks for their teachers. In an attempt to make himself useful.  
Random girls and sometimes guys just sort of pop up and try to talk to him. Trying to cozy up to the Prince of Faerghus. Felix has seen this before and saints does it bother him. It bothered him before at a distance and it bothers him now. 

" My apologies," Felix parrot's Dimitri in a tone that makes him want to cringe. " I do not feel like having tea today."

He wonders if Dimitri minds. If he's only putting up with their advances or if he actually likes them. Surely he could have found someone that he likes. 

Felix wonders who Dimitri does like, if anyone.

Felix doesn't care. Doesn't know why he's even considering it. 

But if one more foolish smiling lovesick idiot comes close to him he's going to lose it.

Felix takes a breath. Losing it would be losing and he doesn't lose things no matter how contrived. 

They have classes together. People must expect Dimitri to be good at history, Felix isn't so their teachers look disappointed. 

People could stand to not look at Dimitri like he has to be perfect all the time. He isn't. Felix knows.  
It's annoying, smiling all the time for no reason. Felix conjures up images of meat and swords, Annette's songs, winning a sparring match to try and look somewhat happier, but it's really a fool's game. 

__

Felix watches Dimitri in the training grounds.  
The whole thing feels strange. Watching himself stab training dummies. His swapped smiling form waves over. 

Felix groans with embarrassment. Marches over.  
Dimitri seems to sort of remember himself. " Oh… ah Boar, let's spar."

For once, Felix can smile genuinely in the moment. That's what Dimitri does, as if them sparring with each other is some great newsworthy thing. These days, it's the only thing they do together. 

Dimitri smiles back. Is he blushing? Felix cringes. 

" What are you doing?" He mutters.

" Ah um… it's strange having to look up at myself."

" You. Are not that tall."

" And I haven't broken any weapons." He smiles broadly, Felix doesn't remember the last time he's done that himself.

" Congratulations. Do you want to spar or not?"

Dimitri seems content, with his hand on his hip, to just stare up at himself with a wistful expression on his face. 

" Your gauntlets aren't helping the situation."

Dimitri frowns. " I suppose not … but there isn't any other option you see. And I'm afraid… if parts of um… yourself are unseemly I would advise that you close your eyes."

" Don't tell me what to do," Felix mutters. Without asking for any further explanation. There isn't any explanation that he wants to hear, that would make him not blush. Dimitri is blushing and the look is strange at best.

" I don't care. Let's just spar."

He isn't sure if he should use a lance or not. But the boar uses swords enough that it's probably alright. He picks up a wooden sword. It doesn't crack. The accursed Crest of Blaiddyd doesn't activate and splinter the thing in too.

It'll be fine. As fine as anything around here is. Even before the swap, sparring was the one thing that Felix allowed himself to do with Dimitri that didn't end in disaster. 

___

It's annoying how strong Dimitri is. Felix can tell in every swing of his sword. Every time their swords connect and now, Felix can overpower Dimitri without having to compromise because he isn't normally able to meet every thrust head-on.

Even inside Felix's body, Dimitri is a skilled fighter. Felix's body is fast, well defined, irritatingly not as much as Dimitri. His firm chest and well-muscled arms.

Fighting himself is distracting. Weird. Felix's head feels a little fuzzy. 

Felix is winning but he's annoyed. He wacks Dimitri's sword almost out of his hands. Dimitri shifts out of the way with an upgraded look of panic on his face. 

" What is wrong with you? Felix asks.

Dimitri frowns. He looks off to the side. Felix thinks he'll put up a front. " It is foolish."

" Yeah, it probably is. What?"

Felix gets closer, glares down at himself in a way that's still very strange. 

" I just don't want to hurt you. You're a skilled fighter of course. But I feel uneasy… My crest is dangerous and if something were to happen to you, Felix… to your body then I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

" That was stupid." Felix grumbles. He's annoyed. A normal amount from himself. He hears the crack of his sword in his hands. 

" You see?" Dimitri whispers nervously. " I have to… control myself around you."

If the sword wasn't already cracked it definitely would be now. The boars' anger, his cowardliness.  
" I don't care what you do," Felix growls. Disorienting is when it sounds like Dimitri. " What I think my body can and can not handle is my choice. Don't make decisions for me with that stupid look on your face."

" My apologies, but I'm not trying to make decisions for you. Only for myself. And I wish to protect you."

" Well don't."

Dimitri sighs.

Felix doesn't know why, only that he lunges forward, broken sword in hand. They clash again and again. Dimitri is finally serious. What does Felix have to be scared of, a couple bruises, some splinters, Dimitri's stupid crest? That look that he gets when he lets go in battle, doesn't hold back, reflected in Felix's eyes.

It takes one mistake and Dimitri is on him, spinning the sword and jabbing it into his side. 

Felix coughs, he sways to the side, and Dimitri lunches forward. Tackles him to the ground. 

Felix looks at the image of himself hunched over from his back, most of the air knocked out of his sails. Dimitri must know that he can't pin his body down, that Felix would be able to break the hold. There's a piece of jagged sword to throat. Felix's hair has loosened completely from his tie. He blinks. Dimitri's are glassy. He focuses on Felix's face, still soft and irritating.

" I don't want to hurt you, Felix. I don't want to do anything untoward to your body. You have to understand. "

Felix glares. What the fuck is he talking about? Dimitri's eyes finally widen like he's remembered to have some shame. 

Felix isn't all that familiar with Dimitri's body, or at least he'd like to pretend like he doesn't.  
He's familiar with his own. All these thoughts about bear chests and thrusting and not holding back, on the ground breathing shallow breaths aren't doing him any good.  
He can feel the blood in Dimitri's stupid monster cock hardening. 

" You have a funny way of showing it." Felix grumbles, only slightly winded.

" Oh… Ahh." Dimitri's eyes widen. He propels himself back into a sitting position. "I'm so sorry."

Felix uprights himself. " Whatever."

" No, I…" Dimitri sighs. He brushes his hair out of his face in a way that seems so gentle and unlike Felix that he could imagine Dimitri doing it to him.

" Next time boar, I will defeat you in combat."

" Stop that."

" You told me to try to act like you." Dimitri takes hold of the hair tie again. Tries to gather up all the hair. It's sweaty so it sort of sticks to his back. " It's still long. Silky" he musses, eyes closed and smiling. Before his eyes widen again and he moves his hand away altogether. 

" A good spar is worth a loosened ponytail."

" Is that what you think I sound like?" Felix huffs. Before he remembers that he's supposed to make an effort to sound like Dimitri.  
" Yes."  
But Dimitri is laughing. Holding a sweaty hand to presumably muffle it. 

" You're making fun of me."

" No. Ahh well, it's just hard you know. I fear that when I try to say the assortment of things that you say to me on a regular basis seriously, I am unable to."

" Don't talk to me then."

Dimitri frowns. His laughter subsides and his shoulders stiffen. He bites his lip.

Sometimes most times actually, Felix wishes that he'd say rude things. That he'd fight back for real. Felix is more than capable of handling himself. 

What does Felix care that Dimitri is making an effort to make sure that he's safe? He doesn't need to be treated like he's made out of porcelain. He says as much, glares at Dimitri.  
He shakes his head and in a similar defeated sounding tone says,  
" it was a mistake to spar. Now you're sweaty… both of us. But I will be alright to go without for a while. If you wait too long you could become infected."

" Oh for fucks sake. Boar, take a bath, go to the sauna whatever. Why are you so fixated on the bath. When you bathe you barely even see yourself."  
It's easier to shout things than it is to think about Dimitri naked and flushed, submerged in water.

Though maybe if Dimitri is gross and sweaty all those stupid harpy suiters will leave him alone. 

Dimitri blushes. Felix blushes. Sadly, he has a feeling he's going to have to listen to the story Dimitri was trying to tell before. 

" My scars… My body is truly unseemly so you shouldn't have to look at it. And while it is true that you don't have to look at yourself I'm sure you wouldn't want me to touch you."

Felix wants to scream. 

The scars from the tragedy. Even if Felix wants to say it's because he's a beast, the boar is objectively handsome. Possibly perverted? Stupid. But with a dedicated training regimen and a good looking face.

What would all those people be around him for otherwise? He's a prince, without any sort of romantic partner but he isn't hideous. Is good at at least pretending to be charming. He can fight well, when he's not pretending to be charming. Sometimes Felix looks at him and he sees the Dimitri from his childhood. They've both changed.

It's been a while since Felix has actually said anything and Dimitri is looking more and more dejected. " I've seen all of you before. I don't care."

" Would it be easier if we took a bath together?"

" No, boar I don't think it would be." Felix frowns with an expression that he hopes indicates rage. His cheeks are tinged in red. It would be good if he were to turn away, forget the look of concern Dimitri gives him altogether. 

" It just… isn't a long term solution. At some point, there will be baths. You must have had to use the facilities. Perhaps you may wish to settle down and-", or other things… so I-"

" Oh for fucks sake… just ugh. No. Do whatever you want. I know what you really are there isn't anything I haven't already seen before." 

He can't hear another word of Dimitri's babbling, no matter whose voice it's coming from. On one hand, Dimitri is concerned. But it must only be to save face. He's seen all of Felix, as much as Felix wishes it were not the case. There was a time when they'd been inseparable and now things were different. An understatement. 

There had been an innocence to their relationship. Puppy crushes steeped in tradition and close proximity to each other. Of legends that fascinated them both.

Now, sweaty and watching Dimitri bite his lip, it's hard to ignore what Dimitri lewdly continues to imply. As if he's going to take a spouse. Doesn't seem like Dimitri wants one either 

" That's enough." Felix grumbles. Partially to himself. "We're already talked about this." 

Dimitri would never do anything scandalous to his body. He has too much pretend honor and a clinging to the past. Felix looks at the ground, frowning. 

The curse will wear off. " We can talk about it if it doesn't wear off."  
Or never, but that's a bridge Felix will cross later.

Dimitri bows his head. Clasps his hands together like he does when he's in his own body. Speaks, resigned.

" If that is what you wish."

Felix hasn't gotten what he wished in a long time.

___  
Dimitri was right. Felix has no interest in admitting to such a fact of course. 

He fidgets through classes and hot tubs and pissing of all things. Keeps his stupid arms so tight together over his muscular chest he feels so tight that they'll snap off.

His muscles ache in weird places. Dimitri seems naturally tense or at least his body is now.  
It was bad when he was around other people, training, in the sauna, the eventual inevitable biological need to piss.

But it was all fine. Or at least it was easier to pretend it was fine when he was around other people. 

As it is now, alone on his bed in the middle of the night, it's hard to ignore what's happening. 

It isn't his bed and it isn't his body. It isn't his room. He hasn't been in Dimitri's room casually like this since they were children.  
Felix clinches his jaws and his fists and then lays down on the bed. Pulls the covers over his face which only makes him more aware of the fact that it's Dimitri's bed. 

He lays there, thinking that Dimitri must be in Felix's bed. Or maybe he isn't. Maybe he's an idiot sleeping on the floor because he's trying to 'protect Felix's boundaries,' or whatever as if it matters. As if Felix cares.

He snorts, the sound so very much like Dimitri that it makes Felix tense all over again. 

All the little sounds. His breathing, sets Felix on edge. It's almost like he's laying on the bed next to Dimitri.

This is ridiculous. 

But as much as he tells himself that it doesn't matter. There's still Dimitri's warm face against the pillow and his disgruntled sighs against the bed. His muscles flexing. His chest rises and falls and of course, Felix can feel it because he's inside his body. 

He could touch himself, touch Dimitri and Dimitri would never know. 

He's already weak enough that he has fantasies. Images of actually touching Dimitri play in his mind when they shouldn't. The soft ridiculous thoughts of how he'd like his prince back. Or the lewd fantasies that could at least be attributed to random horniness. 

You don't need to love someone to want to have sex with them. Didn't Sylvain prove that every day?

Felix doesn't want to spend the rest of the night thinking about sex. 

He had to get up tomorrow, continue this ridiculous facade, which was sort of what he was doing before the Dimitri situation. Different now. 

Thinking about this wasn't going to help him tomorrow when he needed to be alert more than ever. Felix won't let it be his fault that their cover was blown. 

At least he doesn't have to look at Dimitri's face. At his clear blue worried eyes or the sharp cut of his fake smile or worse his disappointed frown. 

Felix tries to feel some relief. 

But it was like Dimitri said, this can't last forever.

Instead, Felix has to deal with wet eyes and a leaking erection that is notably larger than his own. 

Dimitri's body is a mess. Or maybe it's Felix's mind. 

At least right now, Felix can blame whatever emotions he doesn't want to face on Dimitri. It's Dimitri's fault anyway. 

That bitter thought doesn't particularly help him go to sleep.  
Felix tosses and turns around.  
Thoughts like, 'you could make him say whatever you wanted.'  
There was so much that he wished Dimitri would say. About himself, to everyone else. To Felix. 

But the words wouldn't mean anything if Felix says them himself just to be at peace. 

And eventually, he starts to fade, those bitter thoughts drowned out by drowsiness. 

___  
All the will power in the world doesn't mean anything when Felix wakes up flushed from a lewd dream that took place on this very bed. 

His mind is trying to mess with him or something. But when he's awake, though still groggy from a lack of sleep. At least now he can be in control. For the most part. 

No more Dimitri related thoughts. Even though right now when he speaks literally all he can do is hear Dimitri's voice.

Felix attempts to compose himself as he gets dressed and ready for more of this nonsense. He's not used to wearing these clothes so if his hands linger or his vision sharpens in the mirror that's just how it is.

There are times when hearing his own voice annoys him. Now is especially true.

Dimitri bursts out of the door to Felix's room quickly. 

He holds in a curse because Dimitri would never make such a profane sound so early in the morning. 

" What are you doing here, Felix?"  
He says angrily. Dimitri wouldn't act like this either. Not that it matters. 

Dimitri, even in Felix's body, somehow retains his ridiculous kicked puppy expression. He's acting like it too, judging by how close he was waiting to the door, fidgeting around. 

" Ahh my um-" he cuts himself off. Apologizes die on his tongue. " You see, boar, I wouldn't think of you as yourself would want to train early but I like to train so that's where I'm going."

" Do whatever you want." Felix shrugs. Irritated that Dimitri is still thinking about him. What does he normally do in the mornings? Felix tries his best to ignore Dimitri's goings-on in the Academy. His fake, thoughtful ramblings.

" I know that you… that I wish to train. I admire that about myself though it would also be healthy to take a break once in a while."

Felix looks around, there's probably no one around, and, " I can't stand hearing your shitty imitations. Do whatever you want."

" I can't do that," Dimitri says, shaking his head and looking visibly distressed

" I… I wasn't trying to startle you. It's nice, not having to constantly worry about breaking things. Only I fear have grown complacent, too comfortable in your body that still forget my strength."

" I said to do what you want, not irritate me outside of your dorm room."

Dimitri smiles sheepishly. His cheeks tinge pink. 

Felix frowns. He'd meant to train, even though he's in Dimitri's body and the rewards will be reaped by him. It isn't like he wants Dimitri soft or dead in a battle because Felix made him slack off. That would be a ridiculous thing for a headstone. 

And more than anything, fighting always clears his head. Or at least makes it impossible for stupid thoughts to get in. 

He means to go, but Dimitri still won't stop staring at him. 

His legs feel like lead. It's funny, before, Dimitri at least has the sense to maintain his distance. Felix's cold stares and rude demeanor seemed like they were enough to keep him away. 

Does Dimitri truly feel like now that they've switched he can just say stupid stuff?  
Is he so in love with the sight of himself that he can let down his guard? Felix certainly can't.

" Whatever you're thinking," Felix growls. " Stop it."

" Felix I-"

There isn't any force making him stay here. 

Felix cuts Dimitri off and pulls him backward. Into his own room.

" What is it now?" he snarls. 

Dimitri doesn't have the sense to look upset. Just sad and pitiful. 

Felix's heart pulls in ten different directions. 

" It's nothing."

" It clearly isn't."

Dimitri clenches his fists together

" You wouldn't want to hear it anyway."

" Just. Tell. Me. I already have enough to worry about- 'being in your body'  
"-now that we've switched."

Dimitri fidgets. Felix looks around. Dimitri hasn't done anything to his room.

When Felix looks back at Dimitri's face, he's still frowning. Felix looks away again, only to glare back again. Listens to Dimitri's voice.  
" It's not right of me, doing this to you, while in your body."

Felix turns to leave and Dimitri sucks in a breath. " I know that you keep saying that I should do what I want, Felix. There isn't any way for me to do that without hurting you."

" Look, just don't die…. Live. Until we're able to break this curse. I don't need you to protect me, boar."  
Dimitri.  
The name dies on Felix's tongue. He can't say it now. Not when Dimitri would be the one saying it.

Dimitri shakes his head, confusing fool that he is. 

"I need you to know that yesterday I dreamt about you… Sexually. "

Felix freezes. He forces himself to say something.  
" Why do you need me to know that?"

" I would never… impose any of this on you but with the possibility that we may never change back I need you to know that I love you."

The words tumble out like an avalanche.  
Felix thinks that this must be a dream. A nightmare. Something. Because his actual dreams involving Dimitri don't involve any talking, more so moans and screams of passion. His nightmares about Dimitri involve the tragedy of moans of anguish. 

Neither of those things are actually happening. Instead, there's Dimitri standing in a sense. Felix can look at the ground and almost imagine Dimitri and his clear blue eyes teeming in concern. 

Maybe, in some other time, during a life that doesn't exist. Can't exist now. Felix would have believed him. He would have wanted to believe him.

Felix clenches his fists, the unfamiliar sensation of Dimitri's stupid gauntlets that Felix only wore to save face, grind against his skin.

It must be another part of the curse. 

The one coiling around Felix's heart so tightly he feels it might burst. 

He curses under his breath. " Spare me the dramatics." Maybe he's talking to himself a bit.

" I believe that this conversation is needed and should be addressed in such a way. I'm always trying to hold myself back, to make things right between us and now- I wanted to hear you… hear the words I've been desperate to hear but, I know it wouldn't be right."

Felix takes a step forward. Staring at Dimitri inhabiting his body and looking so desperate. 

Felix's mouth is dry. His chest pounds. It suddenly feels too hot in this room. 

" You… you pick now to say that? You pick this to get upset over?"

He wants to laugh, that dark bitter thing that he's heard out of Dimitri's mouth every once in a while. 

" Over us… over you." 

Felix makes the mistake of coming closer. Dimitri's eyes are misty. Dimitri is cheating, though this isn't a game Felix can win. Somehow he feels that he's already lost.

'I love you, Felix,' but he can't even hear it from Dimitri's own mouth. Can't even kiss his stupid fake smiling face. Stupid Dimitri and the stupid curse making him realize that he may never get the chance to do what he wants. 

He can't say that he loves Dimitri or that he's disgusted or anything because it won't be true. Won't be true if he really beats Dimitri in a spar or sees him in the monastery and wishes he wouldn't and also that he could even more often. 

Felix bites his lip and takes another step forward. Dimitri slowly and deliberately takes a step back. 

" Trying to be chivalrous now of all times?" Felix scoffs. He glares up at Dimitri. Who's lip quivers. 

" I'm sorry. If you don't- I have said what I have said and I will try to do as I have before. Perhaps I should leave or… you should, for now. I will be careful with your room. You have my word, Felix."

He takes another step backward and Felix can't stand it. He steps forward again, practically lunges and grasps at his tunic.

He shakes. They both are.  
Ridiculous. Not an ounce of real danger anywhere and they're shaking. Breathing hard as if it matters. 

Felix knows he should leave. Instead, he huffs and pulls Dimitri forward.

Why couldn't they have switched thoughts? Felix wouldn't have to say anything. He isn't sure that he can. 

So he doesn't. Instead, he presses his mouth to Dimitri's and if he closes his eyes he can almost pretend that it's Dimitri's mouth. But he doesn't want to pretend. Doesn't want to kiss himself or admit what he really wants. 

Felix opens his eyes and nearly startles at the sight. Dimitri's blue eyes and his pink lips tinged with concern and satisfaction. His face is red and hot. He's holding onto Felix and Felix moves to hold onto him. Leans forward so that he can pull Dimitri down, so focused on the fact that he needs his mouth on Dimitri that he ignores his annoyance at being shorter again. 

Dimitri pulls back and Felix pulls. They may as well be sparing. 

For a moment, Dimitri smiles. Happy and broad.  
" The curse, Felix it's broken. Oh, thank the goddess… so…" Dimitri frowns. " You don't have to do this."

Who knows what might happen. Felix certainly doesn't and he can't stand it. Can't stand Dimitri's frown when they could be kissing again.

He clutches into the fabric of his tunic and pulls again. 

Dimitri's eyes are wide. 

He holds onto Felix. Tightly. The sensation of those gauntlets back where they belong. 

" Felix… are you sure? I do not mean to coerce you into anything"

" Idiot."  
Felix pulls. He frowns. Wishes Dimitri would stop holding back.

He has to speak or he may never get the chance to otherwise. 

" I love you, Dimitri."

He pulls again, his head spinning and his chest pounding. Kisses him again. Because this time, there isn't a single moan or gasp and pant that Felix doesn't want to hear from Dimitri with his own ears. It feels right like this and he refuses to miss any more chances.

Dimitri smiles again, bewildered and out of breath, muttering sickly sweet things that Felix wishes he could pretend he doesn't want to hear. 

" I love you, Felix. I always have. I'm… I'm so glad that you feel the same way."

Felix is glad to hear Dimitri say it properly. Though as embarrassing as it is, all he can do is hum in response. 

It took an out of body experience. But he knows, Dimitri feels the way he feels and Felix can't pretend anymore. He doesn't want to. 

Felix kisses him again. Gets one of his hands on Dimitri's chest. Dimitri pulls Felix closer by the waist. 

Not everything is solved but, not everything needs to be solved right here right now in Felix's bed chambers. 

Dimitri laughs in between kisses. His breath warm against Felix's skin. " It looks like we're both seeing someone now."

Felix pushes him towards the bed. " Idiot," he replies. Unable to keep himself from smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Dimilix Exchange 2020! Thanks for reading
> 
> @Tavitay on Twitter


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